You're Such A Jerk
by KristinaDelRossiCullen
Summary: Marco is so in denial about missing Dylan. So what happens when a certain pair of Michalchuk's cook up a plan upon Dylan's homecoming? Tickle fights, thats what. DARCO!
1. Missing You

Marco Del Rossi tossed and turned in his bed, tangling himself in the sheets, until finally, sighing in frustration, he flung off the covers, and pulled himself out of bed. He checked his watch.

3:30AM.

He sighed again and grabbed his cell off the dresser. He pulled the folded gray sweatshirt off the floor, and tugged it on, inhaling the remnants of his scent. Him being Dylan, his boyfriend. His boyfriend who was thousands of miles away, in Switzerland.

It was the understatement of the century saying he just "missed" Dylan Michalchuk. More accurately, he thought about him every second of every day, wore his sweatshirts just so he could smell his old cologne, checked his phone every hour to see if he'd left any texts or voicemails.

Marco pulled open his door, and tip-toed downstairs, trying to get downstairs as quiet as possible, as to not wake Ellie and Paige.

He made his way into the living room, and settled onto the couch in the dark. He reached over and flicked on the lamp.

Flipping open his phone, he smiled at his background. It was a picture of himself and Dylan. Dylan's arms were wrapped around Marco's shoulders, and they were both beaming. He wished more than anything that Dylan was here.

He knew it was selfish, and he knew it wouldn't be right to do that to Dylan. Because he knew that if he'd told Dylan to stay that day, he would've done it in a heartbeat.

Dylan was in Switzerland, fulfilling his dreams as a big hockey star. He was living his dream, while Marco was stuck, miserable, in a nightmare.

He tossed and turned every night, missing having someone lying next to him. Missing someone to kiss goodnight. Missing his love.

He dialed 3. He needed to hear Dylan's voice. It was the only thing that would soothe him enough to finally sleep.

Riiinnnnnggggggggggg...Riiinnnnnggggggggggg...Riiinnnnngggggggggg..._Click. _Marco crossed his fingers, praying Dylan would pick up. "Oh, please, please, pleeeeease..." He muttered.

"_Hey, it's Dylan! Can't come to the phone, so leave a message. Thanks." Click. _Marco held his breathe, waiting for the beep. Typical Dylan answering machine. Short and sweet.

_Beep. _"Hey Dylan...It's Marco...Sorry for calling so late...I can't sleep...Well, call me back. I--I love you. I miss you. Bye." He pressed end, and shut his phone.

He checked his watch again. 3:35AM.

Marco still couldn't sleep. He laid back against the couch, flicking off the light. He closed his eye for a moment.

His phone buzzed. He quickly checked it. Yes! Dylan!

"Hello?" He answered, breathless.

"Uh...hey Marco." Dylan's sweet voice said into the phone.

"Hey. What's up?"

Dylan sighed. "Listen Marco...I've done some thinking...And since I'm in Switzerland and you're in Toronto...I think its best if we, you know...see other people."

Marco could practically feel his heart breaking. "No...no...no...no!" He whispered over and over. Suddenly, a bright light washed over him.

"Marco! Yes, Marco, you have to wake up! Marco! Marco!"

Marco blearily opened his eyes, gasping. He was coated in cold sweat.

"Ellie?" He whispered.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Marco, it's me. Now get up! We have class in 15!"

Marco sat up. He quickly lifted his phone, and checked his call history, holding his breath. There was no call from Dylan. He sighed in relief. He'd just had that dream--nightmare--again.

"MARCO!" Ellie shouted from the stairs. He rolled his eyes. "OKAY EL! I'M COMING!" He yelled back.

He hurried upstairs, takings what felt like a two second shower. He dressed, trying his best to keep his mind off the cute, blond hockey player who'd taken over his entire thought process.

He made his way downstairs, seeing that he'd finished everything in five minutes flat. He sill had ten minutes.

Plopping down into a chair, he bit into an apple, and managed a smile at Paige, who was sitting across from him, eyeing him with interest.

"Um. Morning, Paige." He said nervously, feeling uncomfortable at the way she was staring at him.

Her stare quickly turned to a glare.

"Did I do something?" Marco wondered, eyeing the door in case he had to escape Paige's wrath.

"I'll have you know, Marco Del Rossi, that because you thought it wise to call my dear brother as the ungodly hour of three in the morning, he decided to call _me _at precisely 3:35 to ask if everything was alright. Care to explain, Marco?" She said casually, making Marco blush.

"I--I just couldn't sleep." He mumbled, avoiding her eyes, trying his hardest to ignore the fact that they were the exact same shade as Dylan's crystal blue ones. This didn't help.

"Marco," Her voice suddenly turned extra sugary-sweet. Marco could feel himself getting a cavity just by listening.

He chanced a glanced at her. Damn! She was pouting. And everyone know you had to be completely heartless to not give in to the Michalchuk puppy-pout.

He threw his hands in the air, raking his fingers through his dark hair. "Okay, okay...I...I needed to hear his voice last night, okay? I couldn't sleep...again." He mumbled incoherently.

Paige smiled deviously. "Sorry, hun? I couldn't hear you." A smiled played across her lips.

He groaned. "I--have to get to class." He grabbed his bag, and fled, ignoring Paige's cries for him to come back.

Forget it. From here on out, he'd accept the fact that Dylan was gone.

Or...He'd pretend anyway.


	2. Missing you, too

-1Dylan Michalchuk tossed and turned in his bed, until finally, he laid on his back and simply stared at the cracked stucco ceiling.

It was 3:30AM. He had warm-up drills in two hours.

But hockey wasn't the thing that was haunting his mind right now. It was the cute Italian who was waiting for him back in Toronto. Who'd been waiting for six whole months.

Marco Del Rossi.

Dylan missed him so, so much. He could barely take it anymore. He knew his teammates were getting tired of him moping about "his boyfriend" in the locker room, and slipping Marco into conversations at dinner, but he couldn't help it. Marco was stuck in his mind.

He'd lie awake every night, rolling over in bed, unable to sleep, because there was no one beside him. No one to cuddle and hold, no one to wake up to.

Dylan untangled himself from his sheets, and thumped quietly downstairs to the first floor of his two-floor apartment, praying he wouldn't wake up his roommates.

Flopping gracelessly onto the couch, he clicked on the lamp, yawning. He knew he should get some sleep, because his Coach would slaughter him if he was groggy during warm ups, but he couldn't. Not unless he heard the sweet Italian's voice. It was the last thing he could think of to remind him of Marco, besides sleeping with Marco's blanket he'd stolen before he left.

He snatched the phone off the end table (one of the limited pieces of furniture they had in the room) and flipped it open, white light washing over him.

Pausing briefly to chuckle at his backround of Marco laughing at some forgotten joke, he dialed in the dim light.

"Please pick up, please pick up…" He muttered hopefully, pressing the cell to his ear.

_Riiiinnnnggggg…Riiiinnnnggggg…Riiiinnnnggggg…Beep, Beep._

Dylan sighed in frustration **(A/N: By the way, we're pretending there's no time differences…kay?) **and let Marco's answering machine run, readying himself to leave a message.

"_Hey, it's Marco! Just do your thing. Ciao." _Dylan laughed softly at the short answering machine, delighting in the bit of Italian Marco had managed to slip in there. It was so…him.

_Beep. _Dylan drew a breath. "Hey, Marco…" He paused, wondering what to say. "It's me, Dylan. I just wanted to…check in. Call me back. I love you." He whispered the last three words gently, and shut his phone.

He tossed his phone onto the table in frustration, running his hand through his long curls and rubbing his tired, bloodshot eyes. He flicked the TV on, the quickly shut it off, jumping at the volume.

He couldn't take any of this anymore. He missed Toronto. He missed Marco.

It was 3:35AM. Dylan still couldn't sleep.

- - -


	3. Paige's Plot

_Knock, knock._

Two short raps were heard on the other side of the door, and seeing as no one else was home, Paige went to answer it.

She pulled the door open, hoping it wasn't that cute FedEx guy, because she was only in jeans and a pink tee.

She kept her eyes down, just in case it was him, and found herself looking as a familiar pair of Nikes.

She scanned her eyes up the strangers body, and found that this was no stranger. It was--

"DYLAN!" Paige flung herself at him, holding him tight, wondering if this was too good to be true.

He laughed, and held her tight. "Hey, sis. Miss me?" She pulled back.

"Um, _duh_, hun!" She detached herself from him, and quickly helped him bring in his bags.

Once all of his stuff was inside, Paige motioned for him to sit, and looked at him closer.

She wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Kay, after you tell me why in the world your here in Toronto, we're taking you to the salon." She stated, eyeing his curly locks, which had grown out several inches, and looked unkempt. He was exhausted, with apparent bags uner his sparkling eyes, and crashed into a chair, chuckling.

"Same old Paige." He muttered.

She stood over him. "Well? Why are you here!" She inquired impatiently. "Dyl, shouldn't you be in Switzerland?" Her eyes begged him to fill her in.

He grinned. "Okay, well, I finished my season over in Switz, and have been emailing back and forth with my old Maple Leaf hockey coach." He started, then held up a hand as Paige showed signs of interjecting.

"So, after talking for the past two weeks, we've come to a decision. Come September, I'll be playing for the Maple Leafs again, because looking back into records, they've found that the seasons when I played for them were the best seasons yet. I've agreed to a contract saying that if I play for them, they'll pay me, and the Maple Leaf's will be able to participate in the State Finals." He finished, beaming.

Paige's eyes went wide with excitement. "Oh my God. Does that mean--"

Dylan's grin grew wider. "I'm staying here in Toronto. For good. I'm moving back in, Paige. I'm back!" He scooped her up again, and twirled her, as she giggled.

He set her back down and sat again. "So, how's everyone else?" He asked casually, but Paige smirked.

"Everyone as in, Marco?" She asked slyly.

He smiled sheepishly and nodded.

He smile faded and she sighed. "He's been absolutely _miserable_ without you Dylan. I mean, he acts like he's fine, and he's faring okay I guess, still acing classes and such, but...he misses you soooo much, Dyl. He's _so _in denial, though! Ellie and I have been trying to get him to talk about it for the past two weeks, but he always has an excuse. In case you haven't noticed, he stopped calling you at three every morning, which I still have no clue why he did.."

Dylan's stared at Paige. She continued. "But," She giggled, "Whenever you text him, he checks to see if we're looking, and we pretend we're not, and then he reads them, and his face looks like a little boy who was just told there were three Christmas's this year!"

Dylan laughed with her. "He really missed you, Dyl. He must be dying inside, keeping it all bottled up like that..." She muttered.

He smiled, sensing that Paige was working up a plan.

She squealed suddenly, clapping her hands and bouncing. He clutched his ears. "Wow...It's been a while since someone took so much pleasure in breaking my eardrums." He said, rolling his eyes.

She smacked his shoulder. "Oh, shut up Dylan." She plopped onto the arm of his chair, then hopped off, clearly teeming with bubbly excitement.

"I just came up with _the _best plan to get Marco to admit how much he missed you! Here's what you have to do..." She whispered her plan to Dylan, obviously forgetting that it was just the two of them in the house.

Dylan's grin grew wider every second as she explained the plan to get the love of his life to crack.


	4. Miss me?

Marco dragged his feet home, yawning. After two weeks of hardcore studying and dodging all Dylan related questions, he was wiped, and miserable. He knew his roommates noticed, and they constantly shared worried looks when they thought he wasn't looking.

Ellie had tried to corner him several times while he was lying down on his bed, thinking of anything but Dylan, and tried to talk about his feelings about Dylan and what not, but Marco had fled or pretended to be asleep, or simply ignored her each time, until she finally gave up.

He walked into the kitchen, closing the door quietly, and sank into a chair.

He buried his head in his hands, and peeked out from his fingers.

His head snapped up as he saw Paige sanding before him, impatiently tapping her foot, arms defiantly crossed on her chest.

"Uh...hey?" He said, eyes searching for possible exits to escape.

She took a menacing step towards him. "Uh-uh. Not this time, Del Rossi. We need to talk."

Marco attempted a smile. "Aw, Paigey, are you breaking up with me?" He fake pouted.

Paige glared at him. "You're not funny. Seriously, hun. I need to talk to you. Why have you been so bent on avoiding the Dylan subject all week? Why did you call him at three AM that night?" She asked bluntly.

Marco averted his dark eyes to the floor, remaining silent. This again. No. He wasn't going to crack and admit how much he'd...No!

_Fine._ Paige thought, smirking slyly, _I'll have to try a different tactic. Embarrassment._

She edged closer, Marco looked up at her.

She grinned. "Well, okay. Obviously you don't want to talk about that, so let's talk about something else. I bet you are _so _horny right now."

Marco's eyes widened considerably and he started to splutter, turned crimson.

She widened her eyes innocently. "What? I mean, Dylan's been gone for _six months_. You haven't had any action! That must be killing you!" She inwardly giggled as Marco turned redder, his eyes the size of saucers.

"I feel sooooo bad for you Marco--"

Marco leapt up. "Okay! I'll tell you, Paige!" She smiled. "It's about time." She muttered.

"Paige, I'm so crazy about him." He started softly, but his voice grew steadily louder.

"I miss him with my entire heart, and the reason why I called him at 3:30 in the freaking morning that night was because I was so lonely and _lovesick _that I couldn't even sleep without hearing his voice! I toss and turn every night, and the little sleep I do get is nightmares of him leaving me! I can't function without him! I need him, Paige. I love him."

Paige smiled softly at Marco. He was breathing heavily. Marco turned his back on her, shoulders shaking, and she signaled Dylan to come out.

Dylan spoke, raising his voice to sound like Paige's. "So, are you horny or not?"

Marco's shoulders stopped shaking. "God, Paige, _yes! _I'm so desperate for his amazing, soft lips and warm body...ohhh, Paige, why is your brother so freaking hot?"

Dylan covered his mouth to muffle his chuckles as Paige cringed. "Well, Mr. Del Rossi, you're not so bad yourself." Dylan spoke in his normal, deep voice.

Marco spun so quickly, it looked as though he gotten whiplash. His jaw dropped. "D-D-Dylan? You-You're here? B-But--How--Why?" He stuttered, staring at Dylan, who simply grinned.

"Hey babe. Miss me?" Dylan asked softly, gazing at Marco.

Marco closed his gaping jaw. "More than you know." He whispered, and flung himself into Dylan's waiting arms, nestling his head into the crook of his neck, inhaling his masculine scent.

He gazed up at Dylan, arms twined around his thick neck.

And finally, after waiting for what seemed like an eternity, Dylan leaned down and captured Marco's full lips in such a passionate kiss, it took his breath away. They kissed with desire, moaning, holding each other close, not ever wanting to let go.

Dylan pulled away reluctantly, and murmured, "So, I hear you're feeling mighty horny, Del Rossi."

Marco smacked his firm bicep. "Dylan?" He said softly, kissing him gently, and tenderly, making sure Dylan was really into the kiss. "Mmm?" He responded, focusing completely on Marco's lips.

He shoved him. "You're such a jerk." Marco burst out laughing, and Dylan grinned devilishly, advancing on Marco, who backed into the wall, searching frantically for escape routes.

"Dylan?" He squeaked.

Dylan trailed a finger down Marco's torso, making him shiver.

"Hmm?"

"D-Don't..." Marco tried, trembling.

"Don't...what?" He whispered, reaching under the hem of Marco's shirt, and tracing his fingers gently across Marco's waist.

Chuckles bubbled up, and Marco bit his lip trying to control them.

Dylan smirked smugly, and pressed himself against Marco, breathing gently, tantalizingly on Marco's exposed neck.

He shivered again. "D-Don't--do--th-that--" He managed, breathing heavily, biting hard on his lip.

"Say 'Dylan is the sexiest man alive, and I am a ticklish little cutie. I will never call my hot boyfriend a jerk again.'" Dylan whispered into Marco's ear, running his fingers across Marco's tense abs.

"N-no!" He mumbled, trying to maintain some dignity.

"Ooookaaaayyyy..." Dylan hung his lips a few centimeters in front of Marco's quivering ones, breathing gently, kissing his neck tenderly, then pulling back when he felt Marco emit a moan, and tracing a finger down his neck.

"Okay!" Marco burst, shaking, "Dylan is the sexiest man alive..." He murmured grudgingly, pulling Dylan's face to his, kissing him hungrily. "Mmm..." He moaned again.

Dylan pulled back as soon as Marco really got into it again. "Aaaaand?" He breathed, tickling Marco's ear with his breath.

"And..." Marco choked out, flushing, "I amaticklishlitlecutie...I will never call my hot boyfriend a jerk again"

Dylan pecked Marco on the lips, grinning like a Cheshire cat, obviously satisfied.

Marco smiled back and laughed, edging away from Dylan, "Jerk!" He flirted, running up to his room, with Dylan on his heels, both truly happy for the first time in months, and both forgetting completely about Paige, who had witnessed the adorable scene unfold in the kitchen. The flirting, the making out, the tickling, the lovey-dovey swooning and kissing. They'd missed each other so much, it was beyond obvious.

Paige smiled and sank peacefully into a chair, looking happily up at the ceiling, where Dylan and Marco were cuddling behind closed doors, finally reunited.

Things were finally how they should be.

"Dylan!" Marco shouted from upstairs. Paige rolled her eyes and giggled. Typical boys.


	5. Cheating, drunks, and Jay's plan

**A/N: Kay. In this chapter, we're pretending A Total Eclipse of the Heart never happened. If you haven't seen that episode, please disregard this author's note. Thanks.**

Marco whistled happily as he walked home from the sweet store down the block, swinging his bag containing his purchase.

It has been three weeks since Dylan had come home, and they'd been the best three weeks of his life. Today was their anniversary, so he'd got up before Dylan could wake up and walked the block to the sweet shop, spending a whole hour trying to pick out something perfect, then stopping at the Dot to grab a bite to eat.

He opened the front door, and the house appeared to be empty.

Well, Ellie was out with Jesse...Paige...she was probably shopping...but he knew Dylan was home.

He had to be in his room.

He ascended the stairs quietly, and pulled out the huge box of chocolates out of the bag, ditching the silver bag at the top of the stairs, and crept to Dylan's door.

He pushed it open, grinning, but his grin fell so fast, it might as well have never been there.

His eyes went wide at the scene before him.

Dylan...on top of...some other guy...This was too much.

Dylan suddenly bolted up, and Marco trembled a bit, the box falling out of his hand.

In his haste to shut the door, to block out that horrific scene, he trampled the chocolates that had cost him twenty-seven bucks.

He staggered out of the room, taking a few shaky steps down the hall, before Dylan appeared.

"Marco!" He tried, placing a hand on Marco's shaking shoulder.

Marco kept his back to Dylan, his vision spinning, unable to process what had just happened. He felt like his world had been flipped upside down.

"Marco--it-it's not what it looks like!" Dylan uttered.

Marco spun, furious. "Really, Dylan? Then what _is _it exactly?"

Dylan's eyes were wide, pleading with Marco to understand. Marco shook his head in disgust.

"Happy aniversary, Dylan. Really special." And bolted. He ignored Dylan's cries for him to come back, pushed past Paige, who'd just come in the door, and kept running. He didn't know where he was going, didn't know why he'd run, all that he knew was that he had to keep going.

He finally arrived at The Dot, clutching his searing side.

He made his way inside, and sat at a table, afraid he might pass out.

Spinner was at his side in a second. "Hey, Marco. Are you okay, dude? You look like you just saw a ghost."

Marco looked up at Spinner and faked a smiled. "I'm good Spin. Could I just get a water? Please." He asked. Spinner raised an eyebrow, but left.

Marco speed-dialed Ellie. She answered after the first ring.

"El? Hey. Sorry to bug you but...I'm at the Dot. Could you get over here, right now? It's urgent." He managed, still feeling dizzy.

"I'll be there in five, Marco." And she hung up.

He called Paige next, making sure to dial her cell. He could not by any measure speak to Dylan right now.

She answered. "Marco? Hun, are you okay? You ran out of the house so fast today...Did Dylan do something? Did you guys have a fight? He kicked some guy out of the house today, then slammed and locked his door. What's going on?" She demanded, talking at top-speed.

Marco sighed shakily. "I'm at the Dot. Ellie's on her way. Come, and I'll explain." He said shortly.

"Be there in three minutes." Click.

Spinner arrived back with a water, and Ellie burst through the door, looking extremely harrassed.

"Marco! Oh my God, you're okay. I got so scared." She said quickly, sitting and flinging her bag under her chair.

"What happened?"

Marco held up a finger. "Paige's on her way. I'll tell you guys together."

Ellie nodded, and summoned Spinner over. "Hey Spin. Could I get a coffee, black?"

He grinned and nodded. "Sure, Ellie." And walked away.

Paige was coming through the door next, and quickly took her place at the table.

"I'm here. What happened?"

Marco felt the tears and dizziness spin through his head again, and he took a sip of water.

"I came home today, and went up to Dylan's room. I opened the door, and Dylan was lying on his bed. But he wasn't alone." Marco choked out the last words, wiping his eyes angrily.

Ellie's jaw dropped. Paige's eyes widened.

"He said it wasn't what it look like." Marco added bitterly, shaking his head.

"Oh, Marco." Ellie whispered, her hand over her mouth.

Paige stood angrily, snatching Ellie and Marco's wrists. "Let's go." She demanded.

Marco and Ellie glanced at each other. "Go where?" Ellie questioned, confused.

"Back. I need to give my _dear _brother a piece of my mind."

Ellie wrenched her wrist free, but stood next to Paige nodding. Marco smiled. "Thanks, but I'll stay here for a bit. I need to clear my head."

Paige nodded sympathetically, then dragged Ellie out the door.

Someone plopped down suddenly into the seat next Marco.

"Del Rossi." Said a sarcastic voice. Marco glanced up. Great. It was Jay Hogart.

"Not the time, Jay."

"Ah, trouble in Michalchuk land?"

Marco glanced at him. "Mm, I overheard your dilemma, and if you'll take it, I'm offering you my help."

"Last time I took your help, Jay, I got arrested." Marco snapped, glaring at Jay.

Jay grinned. "Oh yes. Good times. Anyway, here's what I'm thinking. It's actually pretty simple. All you have to do is let Curly see you macking on another dude. Bam. Instant jealousy. Good luck, Del Rossi." Jay winked and left.

Marco mulled this over. Jay was bad news, everyone knew that, but he had a point. It was the prefect way to get back at Dylan for hurting him.

He grinned maliciously, and slapped money on the table for his and Ellie's drinks, plus a tip for Spin.

He left, and made his way home.

It appeared empty again, but Marco blocked out the Deja vu.

He heard raised voices. Scratch that. One raised voice, one rapid thudding that had to be Ellie's foot tapping.

He snuck upstairs and pressed his ear to the door.

"--Don't understand you Dylan." He'd caught Paige mid-sentence.

"It was a mistake! I told you guys, I saw a old buddy of mine walking and I invited him in. Before I knew it, he'd kissed me. It got out of hand! It was a bad decision!" Marco could hear the pleading and pain in Dylan's voice. Good. He hoped he was hurting. Maybe he'd get a taste of how Marco was feeling at the moment.

Marco checked his watch. It was only 9. Too bad. He was going to bed.

He scurried to his room down the hall, and kicked Dylan's sweatshirt across the room, whipping a framed picture of them off the bedside table against the wall, shattering the glass.

Panting, he flopped on his back onto the bed. He stayed like that for an hour. Then two. Then four.

Finally, he sat up, the vicious anger waves that had been seeping form his body toned down.

He left his room and went to the kitchen to get a water bottle.

Suddenly, the front door slammed, waking up the entire house. Marco winced.

Dylan came stumbling in, coughing. Ellie and Paige trampled down the stairs, panicked, and saw Dylan swaying.

"Dylan." Marco breathed.

Dylan turned to him, tears sparkling in his eyes.

"M-Marco. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He wailed. He was completely wasted.

"Yeah, yeah. Dylan how much have you had to drink tonight?" Dylan didn't answer, but suddenly, leaned over the sink and vomited. Ellie shut her eyes and made a face.

"Ugh." Paige muttered, making her own sour just-sucked-a-lemon face.

Marco tried to look as thought he didn't care, but pulled Dylan away from where he was slumped over the counter, and helped him stand.

It was bad enough helping Dylan stand. But when he blacked out, carrying him upstairs was a completely different story.

Ellie and Paige helped Marco drag him into bed, then hovered over Marco, who'd dragged an arm chair over to Dylan's bedside. His face was pale.

Ellie rubbed Marco's back. "Will you be okay in here, Marco?" Paige asked, nervously looking at her brother, then Marco.

He nodded wordlessly, then gestured for them to go back to bed. Then each kissed his cheek, and retired back to their rooms.

He stared at Dylan, now sleeping peacefully.

This would be a long night.


End file.
